DURING A VIOLENT CRISIS, TAKE ACTION FOR YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY

If the crisis seems unavoidable:

• Try to move toward a room with a phone and an exit.
• Try to move to the ground floor.
• Avoid closets or bathrooms.
• Know which windows you could exit.
• It is okay to appease your abuser to get back to a safer moment.
• You have a right to play to avoid greater injury and damage.
• Protect yourself, especially your head and stomach.
• Then get out when you can.
• Report the threat as soon as safely able to.
• Document abuse with pictures and witnesses.

PLANNING AHEAD FOR PERSONAL AND FAMILY SAFETY

Domestic abuse is a cyclical event. You have survived previous cycles and escaped. Your abuser may still feel a need to control you. Your abuser may be looking for you when he/she comes around their cycle again. Most DV homicides occur when the victim is fleeing or succeeding at gaining independence. It is very important for you to plan for your safety.

Call the Pierce County Domestic Violence Helpline, (253) 798-4166, or 1-800-764-2420, describe your situation, and let them make you aware of services available and safety issues they will highlight.

A protection order (PO) will not necessarily protect you. It must be served (presented) to your abuser to be in force. It is only the court’s order and your abuser may not choose to obey. It is important to get one when you need one, and then also do careful safety planning.

EVERYWHERE YOU GO, and mostly for places where you will be repeatedly, you need to think ahead about your safety. Where would he/she come in? Where could I go out? Where could I safely go from here? Don’t assume you can reach your car. He/she may have it covered.

CONSIDER YOUR ABUSER’S LIKELY BEHAVIOR

• What is your abuser likely to do if you tell someone about your abuse?
• What is your abuser likely to do if you call the police?
• What is your abuser likely to do if you leave?
• What is your abuser likely to do if you file a Protection Order?
• Does your abuser have access to weapons?
• Is your abuser abusing drugs, prescription or illegal?
• Does your abuser have a mental illness that may effect his perception or response?

BE PREPARED

You need to have copies of the documents you would need to keep you and your children housed and connected to services. Try to get certified copies as possible. You may need to say the original is lost. It’s worth your life.

Agree to an out-of-town contact with a relative or friend everyone in your family could call if a natural disaster separated you and eliminated local phone service. This contact could be helpful if you flee while your children are elsewhere.

• Give each child a phone number card.
• Teach small children to dial 911.
• Practice.

Agree with your kids, family, neighbors and friends about a code word or term that means you need immediate help to avoid a dangerous situation.

During times of high tension, ask for periodic “safety checks” from friends.

Collect:

• List of local shelters and DV resources
• Birth certificates for each
• Medical and dental plan cards
• Medications, five day supply
• Immunization records
• Extra eyeglasses
• Driver’s License, documentation of citizenship and residence, Social Security Cards
• Copies of all credit cards and accounts due, copy of recent statement if possible
• Title to the car you will use, registration and insurance
• Extra set of car and house keys
• Savings passbooks, Certificates of Deposit, Insurance papers and wills.
• Pay stubs and income tax records
• Copy of mortgage or lease agreement
• Divorce and custody documents
• Recent picture of your abuser
• Address book
• CASH and a prepaid calling card
• Two changes of clothes for everyone.
• Necessary toiletries

FLIGHT KIT

The above items could be accumulated carefully over time to not arouse suspicion. Get a suitcase or gym bag, even a laundry or trash bag to avoid suspicion, and keep these things in a place where you can grab them and go, maybe at a safe neighbor’s. This will be your FLIGHT KIT.

Identify a neighbor who would be supportive if you need to leave. Ask them to report even a suspected crisis. Your flight kit could be kept there. Maybe they would give you a key for phone access and safety if they were away when you needed to leave.

Discuss your situation with friends and relatives who might be a support network if you flee.

Think ahead about SAFETY DURING A VIOLENT CRISIS. If the crisis seems unavoidable:

• Try to move toward a room with a phone and an exit.
• Try to move to the ground floor.
• Avoid closets or bathrooms.
• Know which windows you could exit.
• It is okay to appease your abuser to get back to a safer moment.
• You have a right to play to avoid greater injury and damage.
• Protect yourself, especially your head and stomach.
• Then get out when you can.
• Document abuse with pictures and witnesses.

IF YOU STAY AND HE/SHE IS ARRESTED OR LEAVES

• Have your locks changed as soon as possible. Be sure all windows can be latched.
• Discuss and rehearse a safety plan with children
  • If he comes and someone is away
  • If they come home and he is there
  • If he shows up somewhere away from you
  • If they come home and you do not
• Keep a cell phone within reach all the time
• Inform your neighbors of the separation and of any protective orders or warrants that exist, for their sake as well as yours.

AT WORK, CHURCH, OTHER FREQUENTLY VISITED PLACES

For the sake of others as well as your own safety:

• Inform others of your risk
• Show them a picture of your abuser
• Inform them of or provide them with copies of protection orders or warrants
• Ask for all phone calls to go to voice mail

ALSO:

• Identify an alternative exit
• Locate a phone
• Know the neighborhood well enough to leave without your car.
• Walk around the block before you go inside
• Leave the building with a friend
• Vary your route home

AT YOUR CHILDREN’S SCHOOL the safety of others may depend on your safety plan.

• Inform the principal of your risk
• Show them a picture of your abuser
• Inform them of protection orders or warrants, make copies for staff
• Make a plan for your abuser showing up
  • Who gets called?
  • Who removes kids from class for safety?
  • Who does the school call?
• Make a plan for after-school safety

SAFETY WITH A PROTECTIVE ORDER

• Remember your PO is not an invincible shield. Be smart. Be safe.
• Keep your protective order with you at all times.
• Share your PO with:
  • Your family
  • Neighbor friend
  • Employer
  • Child’s day care and/or school
  • Church receptionist and ministerial staff
• Report any possible violation of the order. Make it clear you expect enforcement.
• Use your safety plan while waiting for police to respond.

Domestic Violence Family Services
Lutheran Community Services
Tacoma, Washington
September 30, 2003