The beginning of the new year is traditionally a time for taking stock - even a time to go beyond the usual evaluation of personal habits, strengths, and weaknesses, and tackle the more existential questions such as "Who am I?" "Where am I going?" "What must I do?" For many of us, these questions cause feelings of dissatisfaction or even failure. They may even drive us to New Year's resolutions of change, of somehow improving our life.

Typically, there are things in our life that aren't quite the way we would like them to be, or the way we believe they "should" be. But moving from there to the idea of change can place us on the very unstable ground of transition. This is uncharted territory and can cause feelings of anxiety. So, how do we let go of the familiar and move into this uncertain territory with only the dream of improvement?

One of the first steps is to attempt to assess the situation realistically. I say attempt because it is not possible to be objective about ourselves. We can ask some helpful questions such as: "Is this a situation I can do something about?" "What are my options?" "How do I behave now?" "How would I like it to look if it could be different?"

By gently observing your current behavior (without belittling, or devaluing) you can begin to see exactly what does occur. You can begin to separate things you may have some control over from the things you have no control over. You may not, for instance, be able to change directly the way a child, spouse or co-worker behaves, but by noticing how you respond to that person's behavior and the results you get, you may decide to change your reactions. It is possible that your change will implement a change in another's behavior. But don't count on it. The only person whose behavior you are responsible for is you.

The process of change has five stages:

1. Precontemplation, in which an individual is really unaware of the need for change, or of their own abilities to make necessary changes A person might know on one level that her/his lack of exercise and overeating will impact health in the future, but be unable to make the connection between behavior now and consequences later on in life. A teenager may be unwilling or unable to see that her/his pack a day cigarette habit will most likely lead to serious health complications in the future. Here the challenge is to bring the need to awareness.

2. Contemplation, in which people say "I really should change, but....." In this stage people don't believe they have the power to implement change, or fear the costs of change (this is that fear of the unfamiliar territory). This is where we can gently begin to observe our behavior without forcing change. During this stage you may be willing to ask yourself, "What are the likely consequences of my current behavior?" Although contemplation is preferable to precontemplation, the danger here is that one can become stuck in this stage and procrastinate, sometimes for years.

3. Preparation for change is as important as the actual change itself. One needs a "game plan" that includes not only the change desired, but also how to achieve that change, including consideration of things that might get in the way and delay or prevent change in your life. What can you do to increase the likelihood that the change(s) you make will be successful and permanent? Do you need to make childcare arrangements so you can go for a run in the morning? Will you be more likely to exercise regularly if you have an "exercise buddy?" What has gotten in the way of your efforts to change in the past? How can you anticipate and prevent those things from becoming obstacles this time? Preparation for change can improve your coping skills, increase your feelings of control, strengthen your resolve, and give you confidence throughout the process.

4. Action, of course, is the next step. Take one day at a time and make a commitment to the change(s) you have chosen. Thoughts as well as behavior are important to the change process. Cognitive change involves changing patterns of thinking from negative, "I'll never be able to get that degree," to positive "I know this degree program will be challenging but when I finish, I will have achieved my goal."

5. The final step is maintaining, and perhaps refining, the changes you have accomplished. The short-term gratification may also be short-lived, e.g., the compliments you received for your initial weight loss may dwindle as people become accustomed to the "new you." Or achieving that long-awaited degree may pale in comparison with the tasks you face in your new job, or the requirements of the next steps in your life.

Remember: be gentle with yourself. Growth and transition are part of life. They can make life exciting or anxiety filled, depending on your perspective.