Love your job, but hate your office mate? Like your job most of the time, but if murder were legal, you might like your job all the time? Feel like strangling the know-it-all down the hall who clearly doesn't? Can't stand a team member you're assigned to complete a long-term project with? Do you find yourself consumed by a co-worker's outrageous behavior?

Coping with difficult co-workers can be trying, frustrating, and a downright pain in the backside. If you've spent any time in the workforce at all, you can probably identify with my favorite definition for stress - "the irresistible urge to choke the living *#@! out of someone who desperately deserves it!"

Oftentimes, we feel we have no control over workplace issues. In the corporate culture, workplace etiquette isn't usually clearly spelled out. Different personality types are expected to peacefully co-exist without specific training in how to do this. We can choose our friends, but we usually can't choose our co-workers.

As a former vocational counselor, I would like to offer some tips I have gleaned over the years from a variety of sources to help deal with that difficult co-worker.

1. Never quit a job you like due to personality clashes with a co-worker. Change is ever-present, and this person may quit, transfer out of your division, or (even better), be fired. This type of change never happens soon enough, but better to leave a job due to its inherent nature on your terms, rather than feelings of bad blood toward a co-worker who may be gone in the near future anyway due to reasons unknown to you.
   
   
2. Identify all the aspects of your job you do like. Make a written list of these positives and post it where you'll be reminded of why you've decided to stay at this job in spite of an annoying co-worker. Many of my clients keep this list somewhere in their day-timer as a daily affirmation of their decision to "stay the course" and to help them maintain their sanity in the process.
   
   
3. Analyze the situations that cause you personal stress or annoyance as objectively as possible. Gather information from other trusted co-workers. Remember that people who are unhappy with themselves or their lives often take out their problems on those around them, especially those with whom they share eight hours of their day. Realizing a person is basically unhappy can sometimes help us to not personalize their issues onto ourselves. It's also good to remember that oftentimes people don't get upset about what's really bothering them.
   
   
4. Additionally, it helps to recognize when a difficult person is stuck in a negative behavior pattern. They may consistently overreact in a variety of unbeneficial behavior patterns which you and they are powerless to change. Only when they consciously decide to change will you see a difference (and they rarely change). Common aggravating behaviors in others include passive-aggression, chronic complaining, volcanic anger, and passing the buck.
   
   
5. Describe the problem in concrete behavioral terms. Differentiate between annoying behaviors and personality conflicts or differences. Does your co-worker impact your normal sunny disposition because they take longer breaks and lunch hours, causing you to cover for them until they return? Or is it their "I don't care attitude" when they do return with no apology or appreciation conveyed to you? Behaviors can be addressed, attitudes and personality differences much less so.
   
   
6. Generate several possible solutions to the situation. Often resolving within yourself to ignore a co-worker's annoying behaviors and disengage yourself from the situation is the best solution. Difficult, yes, but often the only workable solution, especially when you have already confronted your co-worker and it seems your concern falls on deaf ears.
   
   
7. Go to your boss only as a last resort. Supervisors have no more power than you do to change a person's negative personality traits. Before deciding to discuss a situation with your supervisor, it is best to address the problem in concrete behavioral terms with your co-worker first. If the situation is not resolved, and it has direct impact on your company or involves violation of the law or company policy, then you have an issue which you may want to bring to management's attention.

Once you decide to do something constructive about that "co-worker from hell" instead of just letting your negative feelings eat you up inside, you may be pleasantly surprised. The decision to take control and do what you can for yourself usually brings peace of mind, regardless of the situation. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's generally worth the effort. Good luck!