As happened after the 9/11 attacks, the recent human tragedy caused by Hurricane Katrina has flooded the media with horrifying images of destruction and suffering. As we deal with our own feelings, we may have difficulty finding the words and knowing how to respond to our children's inevitable questions. For many parents, it is the first time to have to explain and help their child deal with a major crisis.

However, many children are affected by personal grief, loss, and trauma at some time in their lives. The following information will help kids cope with any traumatic situation, such as a fire, school shooting, or death of a loved one.

Factors affecting how children respond to trauma:

• Proximity - How physically close was the child to the incident and were family or friends killed or injured? Was their school or home harmed or threatened? The more direct the contact the more severely the child is likely to respond.
• Parent reaction - Children often gauge their reactions on those of the adults in their lives. Very young children, even babies, are affected by the feelings around them.
• Age and maturity - Children do not mentally reason and emotionally process like adults who have greater experience, wisdom and maturity to cope. Younger children are very concrete in their thinking. For example, if a younger child sees 15 replays of a bombing, they may think there have been 15 bombings. Teens will be more able to process the abstract concepts.

Observing your child's behavior will give you clues as to how they are feeling inside and coping with the trauma. Look for changes in behavior.

Common reactions to trauma/crisis:

• Sleep and eating disturbances
• Regressive behaviors like thumbsucking, reverting back to bed/pants wetting, wanting a bottle, increased clinging and crying
• Normally passive children may become more aggressive; more aggressive children may become withdrawn
• Nightmares
• Physical complaints, i.e., headaches, stomachaches
• Repetitive play. Play is the language of children, so they may re-enact the trauma and work through their feelings with play.
• Adolescents will usually exhibit responses similar to those of adults. They may react in ways that seem inappropriate and make glib comments; this is part of how teens cope. In addition, they may have revenge fantasies or abuse substances.

Cycle of Grief and Loss:

The 5 stages of grief and loss identified by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross are: *Denial, shock and confusion *Bargaining *Anger, guilt and fear *Depression/sadness *Resolution. The process is different for everyone. There is no right, wrong or neat way to move through it. Respect your child's individual process. Don't worry if your child's reaction to grief isn't what you expected.

What to do for your child(ren):

A lot of reassurance that they are safe. Give more hugs and kisses and spend more time with them. Try to make time for fun and relaxing activities if possible. Let them know that the grownups in charge (parents, police, etc.) are doing their best to keep everybody safe and that it is their job to remain kids (play, laugh, etc.). Encourage them to talk about their feelings. Don't force it if they don't want to. Offer other ways to express their feelings, such as drawing pictures, writing stories, poems, etc.

• Keep routines, since, especially for younger children, normal routines can create a feeling of safety.
• Maintain normal expectations. While allowing for extra nurturance and flexibility, don't let bad habits develop. If it wasn't okay to throw things in anger before the incident, then it is not okay now.
• Validate feelings, letting them know that their emotions are normal and okay. Help younger kids name their feelings, for example, "that makes you feel sad…".
• Be honest and share your own feelings of sadness and concern with them.

Television coverage:

The television is saturated with horrifying footage, which leads to the question of how much children should be viewing. It is hard to know just what children are thinking as they watch. Most experts advise parents to watch with their children to help them make sense of it and monitor their reaction. For pre-teen and younger children, limit the amount of coverage they watch. Parents need to prevent the repetitive viewing that can lead to their children becoming overwhelmed. Let them know that the initial event is over and that their school and home are safe.

How much and what do children need to know?

Children need to know the truth using language appropriate for their age and maturity level. Regarding the recent attacks, it's okay to let them know that many lives have been lost, and that the adults in charge are doing everything they can to keep us safe, and find whoever is responsible. They don't necessarily need a lot of details. Young children will probably be satisfied with brief answers. Let your child's questions be the guide as to how much they need to know. They may be looking for reassurance that they and their family are safe.

Most children, given appropriate support, will return to pre-crisis functioning within a few weeks. If profound grief and extreme emotional reactions persist and interfere with normal functioning, it may be necessary to consult a professional---their teacher, doctor, religious leader, or a counselor.